August 1, 2017 by imhavingadadday
A while back, my wife and I had the pleasure of spending a weekend at the lake with my brother-in-law, his wife and their three boys. Now their three boys aren’t just any boys….they are BOYS. They’re the disgusting, bug-eating, dirty underpants on backwards wearing, girl-hating, wanna be just like dad and only dad kind of boys. Bennett, who’s 5 and the oldest of the three, is especially all boy, and if he had his way he would make his arrival everywhere with a tool belt via a jacked-up John Deere “Dirk-Bike” wearing nothing but dirty batman tighty-whities and mismatched socks.
They get to town and the first thing the boys do is run at me to show me these reeeeally awesome sticker books full of sharks and trucks. You see, uncle Ben is super cool because, like dad, he’s a guy. Aunt Beka is just fine, but she clearly doesn’t get it. She’s a “gryll”, which is Bennet talk for “girl”. So I put on my best Uncle Ben’s really-interested-in-your-out-of-this-world-sticker-book face and further prove that boys are greater than girls. Eventually, they run out of manly things to show me, and the men pack back into the truck and head to the grocery store to pick up what we need for the weekend…no grylls allowed, of course.
We get to the grocery store a few minutes later and are walking through the aisles picking up things here and there. With three antsy boys itching to get back to the lake to get into anything they can, I attempt to speed up the process and split off from the crew and grab some things off our list. Naturally, since I’m super cool, Bennett wants to come with me. He runs at me full speed boy-style, and we continue to the meat section where Bennett sees the biggest cut of meat he’s ever seen; The Boston butt. Stopping abruptly to stare and point, he turns his head towards me and says, “Hey Uncle Ben! What is that???”. Not thinking much of it and figuring he had just never seen giant pork chops before, I tell him “That’s a Boston butt”. Well, you would have thought I tried to derive advanced calculus for him, he was so confused. After a very long, silent thought process, the words finally came to his head and out through his mouth: “Why would you cut off somethin’s butt n EAT it??”